The unbearable me

T. called me this morning.
He told me he won't be helping me in the new apartment loan.
I wish I could analyze why that made me sad, it's because I'm having to make a choice?? nop, don't think so. Maybe it's because I'm not going to live in that building, that high and with that view, don't think so. Could it be the feeling that once again I left myself be fooled by T's lies. Yes, probably so.

I'm trying to keep the cool.
Snort a little white stuff and go to wherever land, and forget the pain, and forfeit the sadness, and forget that nothing in life is free, not even love.

Not even love.

It's amazing that out of everything my decisions are made in simple stuff like being able to watch the rain fall.