Against every advice I had received that evening
I called him
Well you can say, I was being masochist, since knowing human nature as good as I know it.
I already knew the answer.

I couldn't predicted it better, rather than giving him the lines so he can read aloud.
"Can I .."
"No you can't .."
It was very painful, it hurted like hell.
I said goodbye, and mute a very low "hasta siempre, adi?s mi coraz?n"

I sat idle in front of the computer.
Made a list of things I have to do
Saw his picture a last time and kissed it before throwing it to the desktop's trashcan and well, to be true, I didn't have
the courage to empty it. I picked it up, and put in the folder where I put my friends pics. This love won't die so fast, he was that special, maybe I'll never would see or hear from him again but, the hours I spent with him is something worth remembering.

Now I'm here, free falling, feeling how the pain surrounds me in it's always warm embrace, luring me to going deep and deep, untils is so deep that everything is dark, warm turns into cold, cold turns into numbness, numbness turns into ice and I hover, hover above myself, watching me breaking into pieces, smashing against invisible walls, hoping K. reach ground and jump back before he hurt himself.

Right now, I wish I could take a line of that white dust, and become the bastard I turn under it's influence, or the sacred pill and find myself looking at me, using the chemical enlightment to find the source of this pain, cure it and then loosing myself to the chemical awareness of being one with myself and one with Love.

I'm free falling.