Today I send this text to A by email:
Hello Beau, thanks for the company this evening, I really missed having you around, I even saw you different, more human, less perfect, guess my perception of you is changing jejeje. Sorry I wasn't completely in, got many things running in my mind at once, I have a very unquiet mind you see. But still as always I enjoy listening to you.
Day 6 of meeting you, I welcomed your devotion to your work, and understand your desire to shut off everything that can come across you and your goals, I myself had experienced how the emotional turnmoil of a relationship can affect your judgment and make you take the wrong decisions pertaining you future. Don't let anyone, even the love of your life do that If it's your true love, it would push you in the right direction and help you to fullfill your goals, it won't go against you, because your happiness would be his, your triumphs would be his, because the thing I most like of having a partner is forgetting you are two people with separate goals but one with shared goals. And that's what I wish I could find, but seems so impossible, unattainable, straight people at least has their children to convince them that they have to be together and push forward, gay people I guess, don't have that advantage.
I remember a friend's father telling him very angry one day "Me and your mother are one, understand that". Since then I long for the day I can make that assertion, with a twist jajaja.
You see, I'm blue, when I'm blue I become introspective, and when I become introspective I see more clear since my emotions seems to calm down, well that's because a free fall is in it's way but
I always get the blues in this season. Xmas won't bring me very good memoirs.
I just wanted to say, that I like you, guess my heart had realized the impossiblity of a future together and my heart tends to give up very easily, it's very weak, it had be broken many times, and I understand that in this time you need to be by yourself.
Wish there could be a way of having you around always, but, that's friendship and it seems you are like me in that aspect, my friends are my friends since day one or just became acquaitances, and I feel to you I'm just that, an acquataince, nor a friend.
Anyways, I enjoyed being with you, sex was almost sacred with you, I'm usually very rough but only wanted to be tender and caring with you, as the object of my affection. I enjoyed sleeping with you, hearing your breath, watching the calmness of your face while you were sleeping, the warmth of your body next to mine, the consistency of your lips, the taste of your skin, the smell of your body, in that moment I realized I can fall in love with you, I realized I wanted to protect you, to take care of you, I only had felt that twice in my life, once with Ingrid, my true female love, and now with you. That's what makes me so sad about it.
Let's make a deal, pursuit your goals beau, and let me help you in whatever I can, if I can't be your partner for life, at least let me be in your life, as a friend, as a trusted companion, give time to learn how to love you, how to help you, how to DEAL WITH THAT STUBBORN character of yours. Maybe you will return with your boy, maybe you'll find your true love, but then, you are a person I want to watch over, mostly of mankind just accounts for indifference, except those little ones that seems to be breed for greatness and draw my attention, I can learn a lot of things from you, I didn't have a father, neither a father figure or brothers, most of my traits are learned from characters in books I readed as a boy or male figures I liked through the years, and you are a male figure I admire very much in the short time I had know you. At your age, you have done things that I wanted to do, but couldn't find a way to acomplish.
If my feelings for you, are the ones that make you inconsequential, or make you feel under pressure, then I would shut them off, boyfriends came and go, true love maybe never would be found, but at least I would rather have you as a friend for the rest of my life than for a failing relationship of months or years.
And when, out of the blue, I would take your face in my hands, look at your eyes and told you "Te amo", it's not a request for commitment, it's not pressure, it's what I feel I have to say in that moment, from the bottom of my soul to the bottom of yours.
En este momento, escribiendo esto, me doy cuenta que te quiero mucho, semi-desconocido. Having all my attention could be overwhelming, my friends say to me every second, I pour my love full and unrestrained, because I feel I have to do so, otherwise it could be too late to do it. Seems in this world, you can't do that.
Well, fuck this world.
Me gustas!
K
Hello Beau, thanks for the company this evening, I really missed having you around, I even saw you different, more human, less perfect, guess my perception of you is changing jejeje. Sorry I wasn't completely in, got many things running in my mind at once, I have a very unquiet mind you see. But still as always I enjoy listening to you.
Day 6 of meeting you, I welcomed your devotion to your work, and understand your desire to shut off everything that can come across you and your goals, I myself had experienced how the emotional turnmoil of a relationship can affect your judgment and make you take the wrong decisions pertaining you future. Don't let anyone, even the love of your life do that If it's your true love, it would push you in the right direction and help you to fullfill your goals, it won't go against you, because your happiness would be his, your triumphs would be his, because the thing I most like of having a partner is forgetting you are two people with separate goals but one with shared goals. And that's what I wish I could find, but seems so impossible, unattainable, straight people at least has their children to convince them that they have to be together and push forward, gay people I guess, don't have that advantage.
I remember a friend's father telling him very angry one day "Me and your mother are one, understand that". Since then I long for the day I can make that assertion, with a twist jajaja.
You see, I'm blue, when I'm blue I become introspective, and when I become introspective I see more clear since my emotions seems to calm down, well that's because a free fall is in it's way but
I always get the blues in this season. Xmas won't bring me very good memoirs.
I just wanted to say, that I like you, guess my heart had realized the impossiblity of a future together and my heart tends to give up very easily, it's very weak, it had be broken many times, and I understand that in this time you need to be by yourself.
Wish there could be a way of having you around always, but, that's friendship and it seems you are like me in that aspect, my friends are my friends since day one or just became acquaitances, and I feel to you I'm just that, an acquataince, nor a friend.
Anyways, I enjoyed being with you, sex was almost sacred with you, I'm usually very rough but only wanted to be tender and caring with you, as the object of my affection. I enjoyed sleeping with you, hearing your breath, watching the calmness of your face while you were sleeping, the warmth of your body next to mine, the consistency of your lips, the taste of your skin, the smell of your body, in that moment I realized I can fall in love with you, I realized I wanted to protect you, to take care of you, I only had felt that twice in my life, once with Ingrid, my true female love, and now with you. That's what makes me so sad about it.
Let's make a deal, pursuit your goals beau, and let me help you in whatever I can, if I can't be your partner for life, at least let me be in your life, as a friend, as a trusted companion, give time to learn how to love you, how to help you, how to DEAL WITH THAT STUBBORN character of yours. Maybe you will return with your boy, maybe you'll find your true love, but then, you are a person I want to watch over, mostly of mankind just accounts for indifference, except those little ones that seems to be breed for greatness and draw my attention, I can learn a lot of things from you, I didn't have a father, neither a father figure or brothers, most of my traits are learned from characters in books I readed as a boy or male figures I liked through the years, and you are a male figure I admire very much in the short time I had know you. At your age, you have done things that I wanted to do, but couldn't find a way to acomplish.
If my feelings for you, are the ones that make you inconsequential, or make you feel under pressure, then I would shut them off, boyfriends came and go, true love maybe never would be found, but at least I would rather have you as a friend for the rest of my life than for a failing relationship of months or years.
And when, out of the blue, I would take your face in my hands, look at your eyes and told you "Te amo", it's not a request for commitment, it's not pressure, it's what I feel I have to say in that moment, from the bottom of my soul to the bottom of yours.
En este momento, escribiendo esto, me doy cuenta que te quiero mucho, semi-desconocido. Having all my attention could be overwhelming, my friends say to me every second, I pour my love full and unrestrained, because I feel I have to do so, otherwise it could be too late to do it. Seems in this world, you can't do that.
Well, fuck this world.
Me gustas!
K
posted by Somewhere in the tropics | 12/17/2003 03:01:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home