Gay Bashing

The first time I experimented what was like to be harassed because you being different, it wasn't happening to me, but I felt it as personal as if I was the one being bashed. That filled me with terror of those different to me, aprehension, suddenly all humans were potential enemies.



But when you are the target, and when the bashers are people you respect, it's heartbraking, you feel yourself worthless, and worst, guilty for being different.



I was in my usual waterhole, since almost a month the behaviour of one of the regulars towards me had changed, he always seems to have some animosity towards me but the owner of the bar would just handle it. I gave no importance to that, had more serious things to deal with.



Yesterday, I was in my usual self-analysis, sat in one of the bar couches while reading a book, I do noticed the conversation in russian was very animated and sometimes the eyes of the people there would look at me, some expressions, disregarding the language, are common in all human cultures, it was obvious soon what was the source of the joke.



I gave it not second thoughts, I kept my reading. H, the guy that seems to be more outspoken came to the bar later, again, he started blunting, but I ignored it, a friend's brother came to the bar later, we started talking and I could hear the giggles and jokes behind my friend's back but couldn't see, in one instance my friend moved and I catch E doing a sign behind our back, I felt sick, one thing was a guy I don't care about,a goy as I'm concern, another thing is someone I respect deeply, someone I indeed considered human, one like me. I went to the bathroom to throw up, we left the bar.

Why E did that, I only can imagine he just had to go with the flow, but that hurt more than anything H could'd said since this concealed harassment started.

I guess Julius Cesar felt the same when he recognized Brutus among those killing him.

I felt this H guy is capable of going physical, I recognize the hate is his face, the fear, I'm a jew, I know fear.

I gave thanks this morning for 5 things in my 43things blog but I kept part of the sentence in each:

1.For being alive (despise some people wishing otherwise).
2.For being able to love (desping being hated because I'm different).
3.For being able to tell the difference (between friends and foes).
4.For being able to see (the truth behind the facades).
5.For being able to hear ( my own voice).


I'm bisexual, my gay brethren despises me, my straight brethren despises me, I'm in the middle and belong to none, how ironic, all mankind is my enemy then?