If you could see what I see when my eyes are closed,
and the inner eye is looking to itself.
you would see the rain falling.

I'm alone, miles away from any human being, and the rain still falls.

He went to the sauna again, strange thing is that I didn't feel bad ( see the other Journal por comments about this)
I was happy of seeing him, talking him and touching him again.
There were two condoms in his room, not the ones they gave out at the sauna, the ones that
you buy at the local store, only two, but there's no longer sorrow, or the angst of doubting, no more,
why is that?! (see the other journal for comments about this).

Last night something strange happened, I'm not sure if it was a dream, he was playful, and for a while
he let me hugh him and sleep by his side, I feel so good, so safe, so sure.

This morning there was for me a boxer, a jeans and a pair of socks, a long time ago he didn't care about that,
I silently thanked him and gave him a kiss, I miss the old T so much, so much I weep
as I weeping right now (see the other journal for a extension on this).

I'm still analyzing our last conversation, I imagen there must be a great lot of doubts in his mind,
he pursues youth, and I'm no longer young :-(

Only death can cure me from this curse, only death, I dreamt off again of walking into the sea, the waves opening
under my feet to let me pass, deep into the bottom of the sea, and then the towering towers of water downpouring
over me in slow motion and my self disolving in the salt water (For commentaries check the other journal).