Love is stronger than pride

Since I returned to my country T has been on top of me to retake our failed relationship. This time I was mislead again, I thought he had changed, he had new friends and they where nice people. I trusted.

Two weeks ago he went out alone with his friends and didn't told me.
A week after he did the same. I started to recognize his pattern when he's dating someone. And still he keept talking of love to me.

Past friday was P's birthday, he told me he was going to pick me up that night when I saw him in the morning and that the party would be in Next. At 8:00pm when I asked him about the party, he seemed startled, "You arent' going to work?" he asked, I said "No, I want to go out and relax, it's been a busy week" Then he told me he wasn't sure if the party was going because P wanted to go to buzz and if the party was there he wasn't going and he was going to sleep instead. I said ok.

12:00am and he doesn't answer the phone. I tought he went to sleep (silly me). I went to Sahara's an sat at a table watching people. I called P. She's was at Next and T WAS THERE. I felt bad, betrayed, down, I needed the protection of the White Goddess of Coldness, a line would freeze the pain, maybe two, so I went and bay a gram. I felt better afterwards.

I went to Pty, and dropped myself in a couch in the upper level, alone as always, some friends came by to say hello, and then one of T friends came over, and he told me they were down there. I saw T, he's surprised, caught in the act, he was talking to another guy and the guy turned his head towards me and T put that face he gets when he's caught. I needed another line. so I went to the bathroom. I felt bad. I thought he had really changed. All was coming again, all the past events, the same pattern. so predictable as predictable was my response. I snorted another line. The coldness started to grow, my pain freezed, at least for half an hour.

I remembered the first time I meet his new friends, they were cold, I assumed because they knew the old boyfriend, no, there was already another one, a new one, and I was the one coming in. And the "female friend" they always talked about but never mentioned by name, wasn't a female, it was a male. Feelt like summer 2003 all over again.

He came to pick me up yesterday, suppossedly to talk about us. I was just opening the door of the car and he was at the chellphone "in 15", in 15, like in 15 minutes I tought. Of course he was going to drive me home, drop me there and meet someone else. I decided to test my theory, sometimes I'm masoquist. "Can you take me to the supermarket?" I asked, He said "yes", that was in his treshold of time, I knew it, I took my time in the supermarket, he looked normal. " Go with me to have dinner" I said, this made him unease "You hadn't eat?" No, I said. We went to niko's, he told me he was going to the bathroom, to make his "I can't go now" call I guessed so I went straight after him and took my time too. He was really pissed off. 10 minutes later a call got into his cell "No, I had to pick up a friend " A friend, he always tell everyone my name unless is someone that doesn't know about my existence. "T, would you ever change?" I thought. I wasn't going to talk about it but my anger was too big, "Who was that?", I asked. "A friend", ok I said. "The one of the 15 minutes?", a friend from Chiriqui, he knows you" he replied "I don't care if he knows me, I care we were supposed to talk tonight and you made plans, a wednesday at 12:00am, the only thing you can do is to fuck" I replied. "Are you dating someone else? I'm already feeling dejavu, do you remember the tale of the dog and the two bones, grow up T."

Why I still love him despise all this, I wonder!! An old song says that "Love is stronger than pride", I can attest that.