The slow death...

I'm still awake.
Trying to cope at the same time to complete my work.
My heart is beating so fast, it grows fear of dying and that fear makes it worse.

If I could understand that the source of that fear is not me but the fear to an unknown variable, is the fear of the emotions I can't control.

It has been worth?

The doubts, the second thoughts, the chit chat, the silences, the eyes that won't see yours.

I has been worth?

What I won, what I lost? I lost nothing since I had nothing.

But I had lost the few things I owned.

My personae, my identity in front of others.

Thanks T, very much.

I guess my blood pressure must be sky high, or is just fear.

Who knows.

I'm afraid and alone.

I don't dare to drill down into the web of lies that T built around me.

Only that yesterday's event proven everything I though was happening on my back was true.

Was him trying to take A away so I could pick her up? In the moment I arrived? or they were just going to the park? Why he wanted to hurt me? Why I did to him besides being stupidly in love?

I wish at least I could know he's feeling regrets, but pretty sure he's fucking with A now. How I could fell in love with such a monster?

I was so naive, thinking I could win a fight I already lost.