Of laughter and forgetting II

I went to Bacchus yesterday. Meet C.
C. is from Colombia.
43 years old. very big built, husky type. Uber hairy, he has the looks of J.
We chatted for about an hour before we sit together in the same table.

There I was, with this piece of fine man.
Thinking in another man.
Our hands touched from time to time, accidentally of course: there I was playing with fire. His body was very close to mine. We laugh and talk and drink and watch the people dance and touch our bodies.

He had that way of watching you.
The way some men do. That made your body tingle, the reckoning of feeling
this is a life I want to be part of.

3:00am. Nothing was said indeed. Both of us just were playing straight. I started to feel dozed. He was talking with C. when I decided to leave. He smell strong of alcohol and tobacco and a fragance I couldn't identify, it was fruitty and with some musk, the tobacco just increased it. In my dozing haze I almost got my nose in his neck, when I realized I got very embarrased he turned to me, our faces where mere centimeters away, my lips started to grow, what I was thinking. I said "I sorry, I almost fall asleep over you. sorry, I'm leaving." he put his left hand over my right leg, just up of my crotch, it felt so big and possesive that my dick started to grow, he didn't took his hand away. "I'm going to see you again? I really enjoyed the company" he said. I gave him my phone number, his hand was still in my leg, I felt if I would try to rise from the sofa he won't allow it. So I stayed enjoying the feeling. Then he let it go. I gave him a handshake, idem to his brother and a kiss in the cheek to C. and her girlfriend.

He smiled at me and I smiled back, he winked. I smiled more.

Every one of the men in my life seemed to have befallen me. I'm the center of their attention for a brief time. Then I become something encased, stored away. Yearning but not touching. I want to be human, not a cult object to be reveered as a memory. And years after they came to me and said "Why it didn't work, you never wanted", yeah sure. I'm the one that never wants.


My mind always give me someone to talk too.

As the song sings.

Everytime I seem to fall in love: Crash Boom Bang.

Would what happened with M would pass with C. or whatever other I might find?

What's wrong? Why people can't understand me.

I'm not that odd.

I'm eight years old, I'm twelve years old, I'm an adolescent, I'm and adult. I'm a manic, I'm depressive, I'm smart and a fool, I'm innocent and wrote all the books on perversions, I'm near sainthood and evil is my second name. I'm the bastard first son no one talk about, I'm the first and the last. I'm the bearer of all things, I'm the one that found enlightment and skipped it away. I'm a man and less than one. I'm human but longer ascended. I'm just a bunch of flesh, blood and visceras. I'm an animal, I'm conscious. I'm aware. I'm K.