Reinventing K
Yesterday started without too much hasle. As expected T. called me at 7:10am to tell me he was going to pick me up at 8:45. I wanked off twice and then went for a shower. I was ready by 7:40 and he arrived a couple of minutes after that.
He drove me to work and I got early, that was great.
The day was without too much hasle, I researched AJAX stuff mostly and one to two calls from M and A.
At noon he called me again to go for lunch. He told me then how happy he felt when he saw me walking out of the building. I replied with a "Yeah sure", but in my innerself I felt so happy.
We went for lunch at a colombian restaurant, he freaked out but I didn't knew why, I remembering wondering if he wasn't using one of his arguing techniques so he could break with a fight and then left with a clearer conscious to do whatever he wanted to do.
When we were returning I mentioned him that he was going to Bocas with A.
He got mad and didn't talked to me all the way. It was hard because I was just guessing but just when he got mad he did that inconscious move in his eyes he does when lying.
He left me at work very angry and told me he wasn't going to gave me Alia back he didn't want to talk, he just ordered me out of his car.
I felt very bad, because I knew I was right and I hate being right, I wish that for a single instance my judgment would be wrong.
He called me twice that evening but my cellphone was running out of battery and always shutdown when the phone ringed.
I had to wait until I got home to call me but the he wouldn't answer.
I called his home, his mother answered the phone, I asked if I could get Alia since I had a fight with Teddy and he didn't wanted to talk with me. She asked why and I told her that I mentioned him that he was going to Bocas with A. She told me she didn't knew that, I reply I didn't knew either, I was guessing but he got mad.
I called A, he was still in Colon, I called O and he was fucking with his bf, I called E and he was sleeping. I got a cab and went to T's home.
I was just leaving the cab, T's car was in the front, when I approached the door he was coming out with A and A. A part of me started to sob, M took control, I expected for A to open the door without looking anyone of them, I felt so bad, isnt' the same to call the devil that seeing him come to you. All this time I was guessing T was seeing A again, but I just holded deep inside it was a misjudgment and T was telling the truth everytime. That's what loves does to us. It's blind.
I took A trying not to look defeated, I was just thinking "I lost him again", I wanted to cry but M was hard enought to keep the tears from becoming physical. I told the cab to take me back to the place it picked me up. HE was talking but I really didn't was paying attention, at my side A was licking my arms as if she knew something was wrong.
I got home, as M subsized trying to see the irony in all this but then I couldn't stop and started to sob and then cry, I cried like 2 minutes, and then M came out again and I stopped and started to laught, "I was right", Yes I replied, "you were right".
I needed to talk with someone, but with who? they all would tell me, "We told you so", so I was alone, with my pain, I remembered the faces of J, J, N, S, P,D,L and all my friend trying to find some comfort, the pain subzided.
I started to meditate but the pain was too big to bear.
P called to go to D's bar.
I went and under the influence of the goddess I danced drunk in time trying to drown my pain in chemicals.
But the pain persisted.
My pain had learn how to swim.
Anyways, I'm trying to find force within to go over it. To rise over the darkness that has come over me.
A part of me still wishes what my eyes saw wasn't real.
Wishes....
He drove me to work and I got early, that was great.
The day was without too much hasle, I researched AJAX stuff mostly and one to two calls from M and A.
At noon he called me again to go for lunch. He told me then how happy he felt when he saw me walking out of the building. I replied with a "Yeah sure", but in my innerself I felt so happy.
We went for lunch at a colombian restaurant, he freaked out but I didn't knew why, I remembering wondering if he wasn't using one of his arguing techniques so he could break with a fight and then left with a clearer conscious to do whatever he wanted to do.
When we were returning I mentioned him that he was going to Bocas with A.
He got mad and didn't talked to me all the way. It was hard because I was just guessing but just when he got mad he did that inconscious move in his eyes he does when lying.
He left me at work very angry and told me he wasn't going to gave me Alia back he didn't want to talk, he just ordered me out of his car.
I felt very bad, because I knew I was right and I hate being right, I wish that for a single instance my judgment would be wrong.
He called me twice that evening but my cellphone was running out of battery and always shutdown when the phone ringed.
I had to wait until I got home to call me but the he wouldn't answer.
I called his home, his mother answered the phone, I asked if I could get Alia since I had a fight with Teddy and he didn't wanted to talk with me. She asked why and I told her that I mentioned him that he was going to Bocas with A. She told me she didn't knew that, I reply I didn't knew either, I was guessing but he got mad.
I called A, he was still in Colon, I called O and he was fucking with his bf, I called E and he was sleeping. I got a cab and went to T's home.
I was just leaving the cab, T's car was in the front, when I approached the door he was coming out with A and A. A part of me started to sob, M took control, I expected for A to open the door without looking anyone of them, I felt so bad, isnt' the same to call the devil that seeing him come to you. All this time I was guessing T was seeing A again, but I just holded deep inside it was a misjudgment and T was telling the truth everytime. That's what loves does to us. It's blind.
I took A trying not to look defeated, I was just thinking "I lost him again", I wanted to cry but M was hard enought to keep the tears from becoming physical. I told the cab to take me back to the place it picked me up. HE was talking but I really didn't was paying attention, at my side A was licking my arms as if she knew something was wrong.
I got home, as M subsized trying to see the irony in all this but then I couldn't stop and started to sob and then cry, I cried like 2 minutes, and then M came out again and I stopped and started to laught, "I was right", Yes I replied, "you were right".
I needed to talk with someone, but with who? they all would tell me, "We told you so", so I was alone, with my pain, I remembered the faces of J, J, N, S, P,D,L and all my friend trying to find some comfort, the pain subzided.
I started to meditate but the pain was too big to bear.
P called to go to D's bar.
I went and under the influence of the goddess I danced drunk in time trying to drown my pain in chemicals.
But the pain persisted.
My pain had learn how to swim.
Anyways, I'm trying to find force within to go over it. To rise over the darkness that has come over me.
A part of me still wishes what my eyes saw wasn't real.
Wishes....
posted by Somewhere in the tropics | 10/31/2005 10:04:00 PM
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