J

So I finally meet J
Wow, he's amazing
It's full of a vitality that is contagious
An ease around people.

That kind of guy that you pick for a one night stand and end being your closest friend and lover.

The most beautiful sight...

So I was there, in the verge of a breakdown.
When they came into the room.

The most beautiful sight.

Looked like R but taller, cocky with a self-assurance that filled the room
Our eyes made contact, and my radar shoot high in the scale.

My cock grew up, my face turned red and my eyes couldn't conceal the pleasure that such a vision of perfection induced on me.

We felt each other the way our kind feels. J was in front of me, watching, so I had to focus on my screen trying to conceal the whole reaction M has produced on me.

M sat in front of me at the other side of the table.

I could hear his deep voice, very conscious of every time that voice sounded my way, because then I knew his eyes were poised on me.

Thanks G-d I have enough melanin to hide the blush response.

From time to time I would look fast in his direction just to capture as most pieces of him to reconstruct the whole in my memory. The way his big hands moved over the table, the heavy clock hanging loosely in what it seemed a strong wrist covered in fur. The rush of his tie against his neck, a contrasting 5:00pm shadow against the whiteness of his skin. And his eyes. If I could get lost in those eyes.

Through his loosely tie and suit a lot of hair was pushing through, I could visualize myself hidding my tired face in the wide sea of his broad fur covered chest.

Our eyes made eye contact again and I resorted to stand up and leave the room, his presence was too intimidating, too strong, to deny myself my body wanted him and I couldn't allow that to happen. And I knew he is the kind that would make things happen.

So, in the silence and solitude of the bathroom I saw myself in the mirror. My irises still wide open because the light I emited when I saw him.

The most beautiful sight.

Going down...

People amounts a lot of patient on me.
And I let them down.
I wonder si my downing is because of C or just because was just time.

The pressure is great.
Feel so bad.
Need to hugh someone badly :-(

Anyways, I got to speak with I.
Miss him so much.

I still can't figure out what J wanted to say

About the nature of people and their interactions.

Today was an outstanding day.

I still wonder why I don't like this white people!

They are so white!!

:-(

It's a pitty. Some of them are cute, but, G-d! at least some tan!!

The following relates to K's entry on his journal:

J1. wasnt' very amused and the other J. was more on the verge of being sardonic. So it was J3. I'm elated. Commentary: The Queen take position to avoid a possible check putting distance between her square and the horse in danger.

It cames from N being sardonic on my observation of the nature of luck and success. I'm dissapointed anyways. N's nature is two ways. As is expected of him to take a further strong measures. It's amazing so patterns can be easy discernible once the outcome is known.

So, so long, K, I wish you Good Luck. You are going to need it!

Who can stop flying doves?

Ni siquiera me atrevere a toser
Si no gusto, ya se lo que hay que hacer
Que con mis piedras hacen ellas su pared
Quien detiene palomas al vuelo
Volando al ras del suelo
Mujer contra mujer ...

Sometimes I wonder...
Maybe I wasn't mean for mortals.
I watch them and I can't feel being part of them.
I feel like an outsider
Like an alien surrounded by a multitudine of different lifeforms, none like myself.

This longiness, this solitude, this wish for being complete
Where's the one who'll complete me?

That love that brights in eyes that see

M. came in front
Only space, air, a table, people, fears and the whole universe between us.
M. just linger around, hovering.
Then in a furtive movement M's eyes looked towards me
My eyes equally arised and I returned the look
2 seconds
2 seconds to say with our eyes what our voices can't
And then we followed with our lives...

El Deseo de cosas imposibles...

Reverend mother Odrade said once that there's no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves.

Yesterday.
Night.
Eyes that turned and see.
The contact this long has been enacting such a stupid state of things.

What should I know but to feel the waves.

And sure there's a counterbalance.

But the waves are there.

Sadeness

Rainy season arrived to the island on the sun.
Days are dark and cold. Overcasted skies as far as the eye can go.
The usual emerald waters turned into a milky versión of emerald-blue.

I no longer dare to look to your eyes.
Because I'm afraid of what I'm going to find there.
Your voice no longer adress me, it address the social requirements of the time.
I miss you and my heart breaks knowing my curiosity pushed you towards this.
What's bothers you is not that I know the truth, what bothers you is that I went on to discover it without asking you first.
Banned from you I feel lost.
Now I really feel alone.


Suddenly the light that brighted strong in your eyes is no longer there.
You look at me with hate.
My dear A. If I could but I couldn't
I loved your advances but such is an act I can't no longer emule.
There wasnt' a chance.
And I don't want to repeat the mistakes of the past.
I'm going to remember you as the first time we saw each other and that smile of understanding cross our faces.
But that's how far I can allowed it to go.
I'm not going to get to know you, to realize the great you are, to risk fall in love with you, and then let you go.
Hate me for rejecting you the way I did, that would keep you afar.
I'll love you from a safe distance.