Well, I met J today in the Chat
Let's see.
Maybe sex would set us free from emotions

T. told me he were at the Vista Tower pool.
I went there, my mistake.
He was with that asshole of his "new" boyfriend who he said he was over.
M & O were there and couldn't stopped making puns.

I started to feel bad when I saw him taking my place in the car.
I then realized what "over" means.
He choosed him instead.

Well good for him.
My heart is broke again because of A.
And I still have to endure this.
"you made a trivial choice T, but then Life is just a bunch of trivial choices"
And that trivial choice wasn't me.

So, I'm left
All alone in space and time
There's nothing here but what's here is mine
Something borrowed, something blue
every me and every you

Good by my love, Hasta siempre. Adiós mi corazón.

I'm the first-born in the universe. I'm older than the gods. I'm immortal.

I was horny
and got into the chat tonight
Meet O from Colombia

He has a very twisted mind
We did a lot of kinky stuff
He wants to have sex with me and a woman

I'll fix that date, I liked him a lot and would be cool having a trio with Anika and him
he's very sweet, but so twisted

We spent 3 hours fucking
it was great
Well, I'm going to sleep now
I'm tired

Entering Ocu
He's nice
Sweet, soft spoken
A lot of hair
Great sex

I found him in the chat
He came home for a beer
We had a great time together.

He came home the next day
C & O came home and almost found us in our stuff.
It was very funny
Ocu was ashamed jajaja

He's cute
I wonder why I hadn't fall in love with him

He visited me once more
And since to find me good company

But I'm still thinking of A

Al send me a sms message.
He loved the Sweet Home Alabama CD
It was unforgettable.

Yeah sure, The CD, not me :-(
Well, that was my last card.

What I loved about A:
I remember how nervous I felt when we first meet, he seemed eternaly happy, his stupid rules: Don't smoke, Don't .., I just could do anything but listen to this guy. I was very afraid I won't see him again after he told me he has to do something, I suggested going to the movies, an hour later he was waiting for me, we went to see American Pie II, I still was very nervous, and very aware of his presence by my side, then he started to laugh, and I turn my head to watch him, he was beautiful. Later he suggested to go to drink some sangria, and we chatted, and I was all drunk and I felt so fine. Later he took me home and told me he would want to take me to his home, and we went to his place, I meet kenny for the first time, we slept hughed to each other, I made a promise then to him, to me and g-d that turned him to be the one or not, I won't seek anyone else to love. I choose him. His hand in my groin all night, g-d I loved it. That was our first date.

Well A throw a shot directly to my heart.
And it wasn't a golden arrow, it was an iron one.
Well, brokenhearted would be an understatement! don't you think.

Fidelis to my promise to G-d, I'll stop searching.
There won't be any more desire on my part to fullfill the desire of having a partner for life.
It would the the short but intense moments lived with A that I would remember when I'll be in need of it.
This is a "Non plus ultra"

Have to rewire everything again.

It just me, myself and I all over again.

Nop, el soundtrack de sweet home alabama no lo he comprado todavía, pero está en la lista de cosas que comprar, jejejeje. Las horas, así como suena el título de buena, es así de mala, por lo que al final la película termina siendo un ensayo enredado de tres buenas actrices en un papel telarañesco.

Bueno, tal y como te lo comenté, he andado un poco fatigado de cansancio. Luego de haber intentado acostarme a dormir temprano, me llamaron a última hora para entregar unos vouchers para una gente que iba para el paseo por la bahía, así que en cinco minutos exactos desde mi casa, llegúe a la marina Flamenco.

K...me preocupa el entusiasmo que dirimes hacia mi persona, pues aunque sé que es buena tu intención, también mantengo claro que el objeto de tu afecto no tiene la misma intensidad en mi, sobre todo porque hay algo que yo tengo que desaprender, y hay algo que yo tengo que refrescar y que todavía no se ha dado...aunque reacciono a las cosas buenas, no quiero que sean espejismo y todavía para mi no es el tiempo para algo más que una buena amistad.

La claridad con la que veo el sexo, es simplemente como algo que en responsabilidad todavía no involucra más que el momento ameno con alguien agradable (tú), pero no por ello me hata y siento que en eso estoy siendo injusto y que debo de tomar los ajustes necesarios para que no se cometa el error de crear un enlace superficial u orientado a algo que no sea el camino real a seguir.

Te puedo decir ciertamente, que hay aprecio profundo de mi parte hacia tí, pero no estoy en los mismos niveles que tú estás teniendo para conmigo.

Disculpa la sinceridad, pero debo decirlo...como dice el dicho, cuentas claras chocolate espeso.

Un abrazo,

A

Huevetas!! el mensaje que me dejaste ayer lo leyo toda la oficina jajaja, en la oficina pensaban
que tengo una obsesión sexual con mis perras, ahora están seguros!!, quien aguantaba el relajo :-(

Pero bueno, estás vivo, WOW!!, no podia creer que habia una ventana en mi pantalla que decia Al, baboso, me aguaste los ojos idiota!!

No se que xuxa estás haciendo!! paga tus deudas o deja tus lios con los carteles, no te puedes estar desapareciendo del mapa asi como asi. Tienes responsabilidades!! tenia dos insultos nuevos que queria probar contigo y ya los olvide.

:-)

Te extraño, decir mucho se queda corto, si te viera en este momento te abrazaria y no te soltaria hasta asegurarme de que eres real y no un marico sueño.

btw, tengo un nuevo miembro en mi familia. Mi ex se aparecio ayer en la oficina con una Corgi pembroke, eso es lo que me emputa de él, una vez vimos una pelicula y habia un perro que me encantó, era un perro sin cola, luego averigue que era un welsh corgi pembroke y averigue todo lo que pude sobre el bendito perro (ok, soy obsesivo compulsivo, tienes razón sig!), pero no habia en Panamá y costaba una fortuna traerlo, bueno, parece que Pet connection trajo uno y el reconocio al perro y me lo regalo, ahora las niñas piensan que es un juguete nuevo o un entremes :-( estoy seguro que cuando la ven caminar por la casa piensan el delicioso bocado que se van a dar con la pobre perrita cuando yo no esté viendo :-(

Btw, como esta kenny?? jejeje, ya me siento identificado con el pobre perro, tratanos mal, pero igual te queremos, baboso.

Un beso a ti y otro a kenny, quieres acompañarme a tomar sangría esta noche? si no iré sólo y brindaré a tu recuerdo escuchando Ofra Hazza's Ausencia. jejeje

T.Q.M. y T.E.M.M.

K

p.s. leer usando cómo música de fondo White Flag de Dido

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
Oh what was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Espacio
Give him his space
I can understand that,
but he said:

"Tal vez porque aprendí de mala manera que el necesitar era señal de debilidad y que el expresar el querer estar con alguien, era manifestar la ausencia más que la presencia. "

He came last night in my dreams
Put his finger in my lips so I won't say a thing
His left arm went to my chest
And then everything turned blue

I had forgotten the lesson they Intended me to give.

Ven acercate.
Ven y abrazame.
Vuelve a sonreir a recordar Paris,
A ser mi angustia.
Dajame pasar una tarde mas

Dime adonde has ido
Donde esperas en silencio amigo
Quiero estar contigo y regalarte mi cariño
Darte un beso y ver tus ojos
Disfrutando con los mios, hasta siempre,
Adios mi corazan. (Estribillo)

Ven, te quiero hablar;
Vuelve a caminar.
Vamos a jugar al juego en el que yo era tu princesa.
Ven, hazlo por mi,
Vuelve siempre a mi.

Estribillo

No hay un lugar que me haga olvidar
El tiempo que pase andando por tus calles junto a ti;
Ven, quiero saber
Por qua te fuiste sin mi,
Siempre tuve algo que contarte.

Estribillo

No hay nada que me haga olvidar
El tiempo que ha pasado ya y no volvera
No hay nada mas,
Adios mi corazon.

Love is ... Missing A

Love is ... Waking up in the morning with A by your side.

Diciembre 17 de 2003.

He decidido responderte, aunque en español, aquella palabras que han conmovido mi alma, y han materializado en mi, tantas cosas que, tal vez por humano no he querido dirimir en mi vida.

Tal vez el dialecto que he utilizado para expresarme, no ha tenido la elocuencia que muestra transparente el pensamiento. Tal vez en forma abrupta, he querido apantallar misteriosamente mis temores...no por el daño que me hicieron, sino por lo que me dejé de hacer.

No desprecio el cúmulo de sentimientos que abruptamente volcas hacia mi, mas bien le pongo un gotero para recibirlo a cuentas de no asustarme con tan hermosos sentimientos. Tal vez porque aprendí de mala manera que el necesitar era señal de debilidad y que el expresar el querer estar con alguien, era manifestar la ausencia más que la presencia.

No sé que diablos hice de mi, que aunque risueño ante la gente, busco esa sensación de ser feliz y no la encuentro. No sé donde se perdió esa mirada dulce que expresara amor y que fuere correspondida, que a gritos pidiera estar unida al paseo eterno que muestra la embriaguez del amor. No sé donde quedó esa unión de cuerpos que se entrelazan para ser uno, y que al contacto de la piel, arden en pasión pretendiendo definir la mezcla que le da significado al hacer el amor. Reconozco que dentro de mi esquema, he olvidado muchas cosas. He visto pasar a mi lado la riqueza del amor, y he preferido la pobreza. He olvidado quien soy y me he amurallado.

Tal vez el encontrar a alguien como tú fuera lo ideal. Pero lo cierto es que olvidé dejarme llevar por la embriaguez del soñar, y pisando tierra entre el vino que me enviaste y el tacto al mundo real, simplemente deambulo, sin pensar en qué será mañana o tal vez lo pienso demasiado. Mi embriaguez ya no viene del éxtasis que produce el vino al degustarse finamente en el paladar. Viene más bien del agotamiento, de la búsqueda infinita que a los cortos años te enseña a sentir el desgaste, de las canas que salen sin ser invitadas, y te hacen viejo...marcan el cansancio y orillan al corazón a ver si deja de agrietarse.

Sólo quería decirte, que no quisiera que te alejaras, y que el papel que desempeñes en mi vida, sólo lo define el tiempo, pero que a gotas, el vaso siempre se llena.

Simplemente toma en cuenta eso, y en la medida que avances, tu tienes la madurez suficiente para saber a donde ir.

Al

Today I send this text to A by email:


Hello Beau, thanks for the company this evening, I really missed having you around, I even saw you different, more human, less perfect, guess my perception of you is changing jejeje. Sorry I wasn't completely in, got many things running in my mind at once, I have a very unquiet mind you see. But still as always I enjoy listening to you.

Day 6 of meeting you, I welcomed your devotion to your work, and understand your desire to shut off everything that can come across you and your goals, I myself had experienced how the emotional turnmoil of a relationship can affect your judgment and make you take the wrong decisions pertaining you future. Don't let anyone, even the love of your life do that If it's your true love, it would push you in the right direction and help you to fullfill your goals, it won't go against you, because your happiness would be his, your triumphs would be his, because the thing I most like of having a partner is forgetting you are two people with separate goals but one with shared goals. And that's what I wish I could find, but seems so impossible, unattainable, straight people at least has their children to convince them that they have to be together and push forward, gay people I guess, don't have that advantage.

I remember a friend's father telling him very angry one day "Me and your mother are one, understand that". Since then I long for the day I can make that assertion, with a twist jajaja.

You see, I'm blue, when I'm blue I become introspective, and when I become introspective I see more clear since my emotions seems to calm down, well that's because a free fall is in it's way but
I always get the blues in this season. Xmas won't bring me very good memoirs.

I just wanted to say, that I like you, guess my heart had realized the impossiblity of a future together and my heart tends to give up very easily, it's very weak, it had be broken many times, and I understand that in this time you need to be by yourself.

Wish there could be a way of having you around always, but, that's friendship and it seems you are like me in that aspect, my friends are my friends since day one or just became acquaitances, and I feel to you I'm just that, an acquataince, nor a friend.

Anyways, I enjoyed being with you, sex was almost sacred with you, I'm usually very rough but only wanted to be tender and caring with you, as the object of my affection. I enjoyed sleeping with you, hearing your breath, watching the calmness of your face while you were sleeping, the warmth of your body next to mine, the consistency of your lips, the taste of your skin, the smell of your body, in that moment I realized I can fall in love with you, I realized I wanted to protect you, to take care of you, I only had felt that twice in my life, once with Ingrid, my true female love, and now with you. That's what makes me so sad about it.

Let's make a deal, pursuit your goals beau, and let me help you in whatever I can, if I can't be your partner for life, at least let me be in your life, as a friend, as a trusted companion, give time to learn how to love you, how to help you, how to DEAL WITH THAT STUBBORN character of yours. Maybe you will return with your boy, maybe you'll find your true love, but then, you are a person I want to watch over, mostly of mankind just accounts for indifference, except those little ones that seems to be breed for greatness and draw my attention, I can learn a lot of things from you, I didn't have a father, neither a father figure or brothers, most of my traits are learned from characters in books I readed as a boy or male figures I liked through the years, and you are a male figure I admire very much in the short time I had know you. At your age, you have done things that I wanted to do, but couldn't find a way to acomplish.

If my feelings for you, are the ones that make you inconsequential, or make you feel under pressure, then I would shut them off, boyfriends came and go, true love maybe never would be found, but at least I would rather have you as a friend for the rest of my life than for a failing relationship of months or years.

And when, out of the blue, I would take your face in my hands, look at your eyes and told you "Te amo", it's not a request for commitment, it's not pressure, it's what I feel I have to say in that moment, from the bottom of my soul to the bottom of yours.

En este momento, escribiendo esto, me doy cuenta que te quiero mucho, semi-desconocido. Having all my attention could be overwhelming, my friends say to me every second, I pour my love full and unrestrained, because I feel I have to do so, otherwise it could be too late to do it. Seems in this world, you can't do that.

Well, fuck this world.

Me gustas!

K

I called A.
He was cool about the gift.
He told he will call me later.

I went with the guys window shopping to the Mall.
Bought a microwave and a couple of stuff for the house.

We pass in front of A's home. He was there, all lights turned on.

The guys left me at home.

I had called A 3 times.

He didn't answer.

I feel bad.

And that's an understatement.

So sad, the sound of goodbye.

A have been kissing a fool.

So sad, the sound of goodbye, is louder, than any drumbeat.
So sad, the sound of goodbye, is louder, than any drumbeat.

So sad.

Well I send the flowers to A.

A couple of minutes ago I started to feel something is over.
Or if something is not quite right.

A bunch of negative energy pounding against the AT field.
But can't locate the source. Is somehow unknown, but it's powerfull.

Oxala be praised!!

Against every advice I had received that evening
I called him
Well you can say, I was being masochist, since knowing human nature as good as I know it.
I already knew the answer.

I couldn't predicted it better, rather than giving him the lines so he can read aloud.
"Can I .."
"No you can't .."
It was very painful, it hurted like hell.
I said goodbye, and mute a very low "hasta siempre, adi?s mi coraz?n"

I sat idle in front of the computer.
Made a list of things I have to do
Saw his picture a last time and kissed it before throwing it to the desktop's trashcan and well, to be true, I didn't have
the courage to empty it. I picked it up, and put in the folder where I put my friends pics. This love won't die so fast, he was that special, maybe I'll never would see or hear from him again but, the hours I spent with him is something worth remembering.

Now I'm here, free falling, feeling how the pain surrounds me in it's always warm embrace, luring me to going deep and deep, untils is so deep that everything is dark, warm turns into cold, cold turns into numbness, numbness turns into ice and I hover, hover above myself, watching me breaking into pieces, smashing against invisible walls, hoping K. reach ground and jump back before he hurt himself.

Right now, I wish I could take a line of that white dust, and become the bastard I turn under it's influence, or the sacred pill and find myself looking at me, using the chemical enlightment to find the source of this pain, cure it and then loosing myself to the chemical awareness of being one with myself and one with Love.

I'm free falling.

J & O took me to Campana next morning
The trip was exhilarating
But I keep seeing his face in everything
wishing he being there to share that breathtaking landscapes with me
As the day subsized he didn't call
The guys hadn't noticed
My heart was braking
I even coud hear the cracks
"Well, it's over, I've tried my best" I thought.

Somehow next morning I felt it was over
I felt it
And I felt very sad, but at the same time. Well happy of having sharing this man's life.

He didn't call again.

I call him late in the night.
He was cheerfull as always
singing to me in the cellphone

I remember I thought "I would love you for ever"
He said he'll call me later, he was busy

Call me back at 2:00am
Still cheerfull but a little tired
I felt so happy
We accord to see each other the next day.

I fell slept watching his picture in my computer's desktop.

I started free falling that night.

That saturday A. and I made love for the first time.
It was the best gift a man could gave me.
He's such perfection.

All started with a kiss
And then another, and another
And suddenly I was kissing all his body
Between his legs
reaching for his sweet ass

I can hide my face between those for ever

He's cum was milky
Almost watery
All over his chest
As I keep pounding and pounding his ass.

It's was almost mystic
I was fucking a mirage
My love mirage

I'm proceeding to make a recount of the days past.

Well, send a postacard to A. but it seems he didn't like it much :-(
We had lunch.
2:00am he came to my home but, well, he left very soon.
Later telling me I didn't went down to go back to his place. Go figure!
He said he won't look for anything serious with me because I may leave to C.R..

He hadn't call or connect to msn :-(
R. says he's not interested, he's just playing and the probe would be he won't call at all.
That I should move on. :-(

I miss him.
but then, It seems I don't have too much to offer to him.
Kind of boring type geek guy I guess.
:-(

Only interesting to another Geek.
God status among peers won't count among normal humans.

T. called me crying.
He said he miss me and he loves me.

Yeah sure. He always "love me" and "miss me"

R has a point.
Considering a normal fellow that doesn't know me what would be his conclusion to reading my journals.

Watching my mind that night:

The way his lips moved when he whistled the song he was hearing.
That would be a man I would love to live with.

Watching my mind right now:

Going to miss this stranger, at least I had found more features to add to my long list
of "desired things my beau has to have": Whistling a song, have a good sense of humor and a dog called like me.

I meet A.
It's strange the grade of closeness you can feel for a stranger you watch in cam.
Watching him showing his emotions made me feel closer.

He's nice, seems very mature and very self-contained.

But there's something about him... It's the kind of fellow I easily can fell in love with.

Now that I had resigned to find true love and considering switching back to girls.

Life doesnt' lack of a sense of irony, or my Guardian Devil hasn't tired of playing tricks on me.

E was a little rough about our conversation.
Weird.
Anyways.

At home, doing some research. says:
Hey, c�mo est�s?
@hotmail.com says:
quien eres
At home, doing some research. says:
quien sos?
@hotmail.com says:
uhmm misterio
At home, doing some research. says:
jajajaa
At home, doing some research. says:
jaja
At home, doing some research. says:
no me puedo reir m�s fuerte por que estoy af�nico. a ver misterio, que te cuentas?
@hotmail.com says:
de donde eres?
@hotmail.com says:
me cuento hasa diez y me canso
At home, doing some research. says:
La ciudad, tu de donde chateas?
At home, doing some research. says:
ah, ya te recuerdo.
@hotmail.com says:
oh barcelona
At home, doing some research. says:
tu eres amigo de mis amigos y me conoces pero yo no te conozco.
hotmiramar@hotmail.com says:

At home, doing some research. says:
ese mismo jajaja
@hotmail.com says:
viste
At home, doing some research. says:
jajaja, vale, vale.
@hotmail.com says:
pa que te acuerdes mejor
At home, doing some research. says:
y que has hecho? te has portao bien?
@hotmail.com says:
nop
At home, doing some research. says:
neither
@hotmail.com says:
tienes que ense�arme una de frente
At home, doing some research. says:
dame un segundo, voy por una cerveza.
@hotmail.com says:
vamos por favor
At home, doing some research. says:
se parece a la tuya.
@hotmail.com says:
muestrala
At home, doing some research. says:
no tengo, las perdi todas.
At home, doing some research. says:
pero vos tenes camara? me podras tomar un par cuando quieras.
@hotmail.com says:
LOL
@hotmail.com says:
me gusta tu sentido del humor
At home, doing some research. says:

@hotmail.com says:
que va a hacer esta noche
At home, doing some research. says:
ando despechado, estaba entre llamar alg�n buddy para pasarla bien o quedarme en casa leyendo.
At home, doing some research. says:
creo que me quedar� en casa. No tengo mucho �nimo para nada m�s. tu?
@hotmail.com says:
voy a la reapertura del lounge the ZOOMBA
@hotmail.com says:
creo
@hotmail.com says:
despechado quien te dejo
At home, doing some research. says:
oye, no has ido a la discoteca que abrieron en el Mall de paitilla?
@hotmail.com says:
cual?
@hotmail.com says:
como se llama
@hotmail.com says:
ni siquiera he oido de ella
@hotmail.com says:
te ahogaste con la fria
hotmiramar@hotmail.com says:
???
@hotmail.com says:
o cahteas con alguien mas interesante
At home, doing some research. says:
no me llamaba un amigo
At home, doing some research. says:
que queria que lo acompa�ara al sauna.
@hotmail.com says:
has ido al sauna?
At home, doing some research. says:
tan grandote y no se atreve a ir solo, amazing.
At home, doing some research. says:
soy el webmaster.
@hotmail.com says:
jajajaja
At home, doing some research. says:
solo he ido un par de veces, no me gusta el tipo de gente que va.
At home, doing some research. says:
puras locas.
At home, doing some research. says:
o viejos verdes.
@hotmail.com says:
quien te ve de machote malhumorado en la calle
At home, doing some research. says:
soy machote y malhumorado.
@hotmail.com says:
yo tambien, es una caracteristica de los tios arrechos
At home, doing some research. says:
no creo que haya nadie mas arrecho que yo, tendremos que probarte.
@hotmail.com says:
papi, toma maricos las tres comidas por un mes y entonces hablamos
At home, doing some research. says:
jajaja
@hotmail.com says:
LOL
At home, doing some research. says:
eso es un reto??
At home, doing some research. says:
jajaja
@hotmail.com says:
has oido de los multiorgasmicos
At home, doing some research. says:
mmmm
@hotmail.com says:
yo soy el idolo de ellos
At home, doing some research. says:
que bien, yo demoro buco, me encantara verte venirte varias veces mientras te doy duro, esos manes que se vienen y ya kbrean.
@hotmail.com says:
doy maestria en la USMA
@hotmail.com says:
wait, venirme varias veces mientrs me dsa duro
At home, doing some research. says:
y adem�s inteligente? te tengo que conocer.
At home, doing some research. says:

@hotmail.com says:
que te parece venirme varia veces adrentro tuyo
At home, doing some research. says:
no me puedes culpar por intentarlo jajaa.
@hotmail.com says:
good try
@hotmail.com says:
LOL
At home, doing some research. says:
interesante concepto pero no soy muy dado a esos menesteres.
@hotmail.com says:
cuales menesteres
@hotmail.com says:
by the way menester es ya un arca�smo, no se usa m�s
At home, doing some research. says:
entonces mistery man, te puedo llamar asi? mistery man?
@hotmail.com says:
Indeed I like the tittle
At home, doing some research. says:
soy un poco chapado a la antigua.
@hotmail.com says:
LOL
@hotmail.com says:
con la cara que tienes nadie dir�a que eres tan divertido
At home, doing some research. says:
ese es mi gran secreto.
@hotmail.com says:
ya viene, que bueno
At home, doing some research. says:
compartido por un par de amigos.
@hotmail.com says:
ya nos estamos acercando
At home, doing some research. says:
un par de amigos.
At home, doing some research. says:
mmmm
At home, doing some research. says:
quien sera quien sera mistery man.
@hotmail.com says:
venga el close up the la pinga y ya acabamos con el misterio
@hotmail.com says:
cuando te vea un dia de estos te lo voy a decir
At home, doing some research. says:
como te dije, puedes traer una regla y medirla, no tengo reglas en casa
At home, doing some research. says:
no, entonces ya sabria quien sos.
At home, doing some research. says:
le quitaria toda la gracia.
@hotmail.com says:
bueno la leyenda dice que la tienes grande
@hotmail.com says:
urban myth??
At home, doing some research. says:
me arrecha saber que hay un man out there que sabe de mi, como podria ser cualquiera, me arrecharia con cualquiera, no crees?
@hotmail.com says:
interesting concept
At home, doing some research. says:
en este ultimo mes me he enterado de que efectivamente hay leyendas sobre mi. amazing, para alguien que casi no tiene amigos. debe ser por lo de machote y malhumorado, si fuera mas friendly quizas dejaria de ser un misterio y la gente dejaria de hacerse pajas pensando en mi. no crees?
@hotmail.com says:
LOL, jajajajaj
hotmiramar@hotmail.com says:
as� que se hacen pajas pensando en t�
@hotmail.com says:
quien lo dir�a
At home, doing some research. says:
y mas
@hotmail.com says:
mas....?
At home, doing some research. says:
hay manes hasta que juran que se han echado conmigo.
At home, doing some research. says:
y yo sentado en la misma mesa escuchando el cuento jajajaa.
At home, doing some research. says:
los gays son una vaina.
@hotmail.com says:
no te creo
@hotmail.com says:
el tipo dice que se cojio contigo frente a ti
@hotmail.com says:
y ni te conoce
At home, doing some research. says:
sip
At home, doing some research. says:
jajaja
@hotmail.com says:
no eso no es por ser gay, es por ser estupido
At home, doing some research. says:
o tengo un gemelo o sufro de amnesia o personalidad doble.
@hotmail.com says:
maybe both
At home, doing some research. says:
bueno cierto, la personalidad doble ya la tengo. pero siempre estoy en mis facultades cuando las uso creeme
@hotmail.com says:
bueno papi, me pareces un tio interesante
@hotmail.com says:
entiendo las leyendas
@hotmail.com says:
oh no el perro no�����������������
At home, doing some research. says:
son mis dos bebes, Sinuq y Yakone, no son hermosas
@hotmail.com says:
demasiao
@hotmail.com says:
yo adoro los perro
At home, doing some research. says:
me adoraras entonces.
@hotmail.com says:
por eso trato de ser uno de ellos
At home, doing some research. says:
te adorare entonces.
@hotmail.com says:
LOL, viste pensamos en lo mismp
@hotmail.com says:
la calle me llama
@hotmail.com says:
vas a la fiesta de LIQUID ma�ana?
At home, doing some research. says:
si
At home, doing some research. says:
no me la pierdo.
At home, doing some research. says:
estaras alli?
At home, doing some research. says:

@hotmail.com says:
te veo all� entonces, tu no me ver�s
At home, doing some research. says:
cargare la verga parada toda la noche entonces.
@hotmail.com says:
o me ver�s pero no sabr�s quien soy
@hotmail.com says:
me voy a para al lado tuyo
@hotmail.com says:
y ni te enteraras
At home, doing some research. says:
no vale
At home, doing some research. says:
no podre concentrarme en la musica buscandote.
@hotmail.com says:
que divertido
@hotmail.com says:
hasta te toco el culo y la verga y no te enteras
At home, doing some research. says:
bueno, ve a la calle, y luego me cuentas como te fue.
At home, doing some research. says:
mistery man
At home, doing some research. says:
ya me la paraste
At home, doing some research. says:
malo
@hotmail.com says:
BESOS, te la mamo ma�ana
At home, doing some research. says:
ahora tendre que pajearme o hacer una llamada que no queria hacer.
At home, doing some research. says:

At home, doing some research. says:
calenton
@hotmail.com says:
haz la llamada
@hotmail.com says:
o mejor pajeate
At home, doing some research. says:
que quieres tu que haga?
@hotmail.com says:
hay ocasiones en que una paja es mas satisfactoria que un mal polvo
@hotmail.com says:
que te pajees y me guardes la leche en un frasco
At home, doing some research. says:
jajaja
@hotmail.com says:
Yuck, eso son�disusting
At home, doing some research. says:
bueno mistery man, diviertete.
@hotmail.com says:
besos
At home, doing some research. says:
idem
@hotmail.com says:
te veo ma�ana
At home, doing some research. says:
cruel
@hotmail.com says:
esto es super fun
At home, doing some research. says:

@hotmail.com says:
por supuesto que no le digo ni una palabra a nadie, eso lo hace mas divertido
@hotmail.com says:
nuestro secreto
@hotmail.com says:
besos
At home, doing some research. says:
bye

Well,
Let's see.
Feel very depressed this morning.
Kind of Sad.
Then R. invited me to have lunch and tried to cheer me up.
He said I must focus myself in some personal project and forget about finding love.

Late evening.
There's something going on among my peers.
"Watch your mind" Somehow those words got into my brain.
I watched myself for a while.
Found the source of sadness.
It was self-inflicting.
With this the pain subsided.

Early night.
BigFoot called me, he wants me to go to his apartment for some serious fun.
J&J Called too.
I'm going to J&J's place, it would be cool and I need some good advice, and a nice fuck.

Turned my cam on again.

Positive things this week:
-I spent a incredible weekend with B.
-T. breaked up with me and found a new love.
-I Had great Sx

Negative things this week:
-I avoid B.'s topics about partnership because of my feelings for T.
-T. breaked up with me and found a new love.

Then.

The source of the pain:
-I thought our love would be lasting.
-I thought I would be the one finding a new love.
-I thought It would be easier knowing he had find someone else.
-I thought he would commit the same mistakes he made with me.
-I thought he would realize his wrongdoings.

The lies I told myself:
-He loves me
-He always will
-It doesn't matter he's living with someone else, loving someone else, fucking someone else while he still said he loves me.

The truth I wish I could see:
-He's a selfish guy.
-He's very comfortable now having love and sex, and still having me by his side.
-He doesn't love me enough to end that relationship and stay with me.
-He doesnt' have the commitment to heal our relationship.
-He doesnt' want a relationship with me.
-He want a relationship with someone else
-I'm alone.
-I have no one to love me

Solitude.
Sadness.