Men want to be protectors when I'm around.

I'm wondering what's not alike between O and me.

Assuming O is like me.
After bowing down he likely would lost interest because he felt forced to do so.
How can I tell him my true feelings if he has build this barrier between us.
I will follow advice and would treat him as a friend in a date.
Maybe I can force him to go out of that shell.

Al and I had start to talking a lot more.
He's with his boyfriend, but, guess that take the pressure out of our shoulders.
Why I'm fascinating with this guy!

I was reading the newspaper and this weekend they are going to show "Love Actually" again.

I don't know why I'm writing this here, I should be writing in my journals, since sometimes things I must say to you I write them there and things I shouldn't tell you I write them here.

Writing to you is like writing in my journals you know, my whole inner life posted for my anonymous readers to read. They not knowing who I am, Me not knowing who they are.

In that movie, there's a scene where a guy declares his true feelings to someone that is out of his reach, in such an incredible way that both continue their life separated but knowing there's some special link between them.

I just feel like the guy in that movie right now.

I know you had found the love of your heart. I'm glad you did. I'm sad you did. but I'm glad you did.

My friends say that I had idealized you, but you are true to your heart's desire and that just proves to me that you are the kind of man I would love to have as a friend.

And about O, well he is calling me every day and I'm scared you know. Seems when I stop looking they came after me, I'm trying to following your leads, but he had started to talk about future plans, even a trip together. What do you think? I'm confounded, it's not like with Carlos, since I know from the first talk that he would leave, and well, O's being Colombian and Jewish, well that's something my chirican's xenofobic nature has some issues with. But he's trying so hard I'm asking myself if I'm not locking myself to an impossibility and denying an oportunity of finding a mate.

Me hacen falta tus puteadas, ves, me dejas sólo mucho tiempo y me pongo con maricadas :-( y bulerias.

Happy Valentine my friend.

Hugs

I never tried to reach your Eden
I never tried to reach your Eden
I never tried to

Tks for calling.
I'm glad about you and your partner. That means there's an intention to fix things and move on.
My system is still in shock, I had forgoten I can get down that fast LOL, but, then, so is life, and you have to live by it. I can only think in retreat, retreat and isolate myself, I'm fading out. I wish you both the best. I wish he can learn to give you your true value, and that you can become forever partners. As for me, well, I would be your forever friend.

A called me this evening
He returned with his ex.
God I forgot how fast a heart can be broken

Ciao meu gordinho. I'm going to the causeway with the guy I told you for a wallk, hope to
take off the image of my ex-beau having fun with his amorfous blackheaded guy out of my head.

I'll call you later, I really wish I could see you, a good dose of your particular philosophy of life would be handy in the moment I'm living right now.

I feel somehow I had reached the feared crossroads where I have to take the decision of what to do with myself, staying alone like you or forgeting alltogether about love and just focus on the sex part. Omar said I must opt for the last one, since love doesn't exist, Raul said I must refocus my life and devote it to my work. You I guess would be entering a state of sainthood to see if in a hundred years I can reach enlightment and fullfill my dream of becoming one with you jejeje.

Did you read "El amor en los tiempos del cólera", sure it was cool that after so many years the two lovers finally in their old days find their way back to each other and live the rest of their ancient lifes together.

And that's sort of a dream to be able to find the Al I meet and doing a life with him, but, truth to say, seems our hearts don't walk in the same line and I can understand that.

For a moment I thought Carlos forced to evaluate what I feel for you, but, I'll never be the object of your affection and I realize that now. Well, you always would be my Al.

Take care my friend.

And I hope you find the man of your dreams with the moonlight behind.

A kiss to kenny.

A kiss and a big and long hugh to you.

Guess we wont' be seeing each other from now on.

You are the stuff of dreams, my paragon of man.

Decisions, decisions.
Decisions trees.
In the forest of thy soul
I can get lost
Should I be open to O? or A? or A? or B? or C? or A? or A?
Should I forgot T? or A? or C?
Should I forgot all and stay alone.
With Feb 14 lingering in the near future.
I wonder every timeline I must conceal.

Yesterday night I went to I's house.
I's not big deal.
But there's a sense of sensuality and unprecedent lust that keep my dick pointing towards him.

Quiero despertar pensando que estas cerca
quiero despertar sin despertar

D got angry with me
go figure
just because I told her I hadn't sex in four day
who understands women!!

Breath into me
make me breath
bring me to life.

Wake me up inside
Save me
Call my name
and save me from the dark

Bid my blood to run
save me from the nothing I become.
Bring me to life
I've been living a lie
there's nothing inside

Further inside without you touch
without your love
only you

I want to call A
but I can't
My cellphone is dead :-(
I was in G.M. reading and rememberin Shola ama's "Someday I'll find you"
and my eyes felt inside of the book "Like water for chocolate"
And to remember those feelings
made me feeling as alone as tita
I weep
I wished then not to be alone
but I was

I went to see timeline, then called C. and he was going to sleep.
Called T. and the sonofabitch of A took the phone. That really hurted me.
T had told me earlier he was busy and he can't see me because he was really tired.
but instead seems he was having fun with A.

I feel very bad
brokenhearted in a way
despair

I called E and we went to Box aftewards.

Yesterday I went to Box with E.
I was kind of bored.
But then, E asked me to go for a dance.
It was funny since E and I being friends we never had a dance together.
It was sooo coool, I danced and danced and danced
I really needed that, must be all that stored energy for lack of sex.