Going Numb

It's weird how I feel about last weekend.
One can said I spent a cool weekend for sure.
But then, what was the prize.

I'm still thinking about being unable to make a judgment
it was as if my brain went bonkers and I couldn't figure out how to act, what to say how to comply a simple act of reason.

That scared me.
Felt like being unable to speak, but instead of words I was unable to form toughts.

I was there and I wasn't

And that scared me a lot, and at the same time made me wonder.

I could be floating in open water, I could be falling from a thousand kilometer high I could be sleeping over earth, I was peacefully brain dead.

I was unable to make any judgment.

That scared me a lot.

The Credo

Credo in unum Deum,

Patrem omnipoténtem,

factórem caeli et terrae,

visibílium óminum et invisíbilium.

Et in unum Dóminum Iesum Christum Filium Dei unigénitum.

Et ex Patre natum ante ómnia saécula.

Deum de Deo, lumen de lúmine, Deum verum de Deo vero.

Génitum, non factum, consubtantialem Patri:

per quem ómnia facta sunt.

Qui propter nos hómines et propter nostram salútem descéndit de caelis.

Et incarnatus est de Spíritu Sancto ex María Vírgine et homo factus est.

Crucifixus étiam pro nobis: sub Póntio Piláto passus et sepúltus est.

Et resurréxit tértia die, secúndum scripturas.

Et ascédit in caelum: sedet ad déxtram Patris.

Et íterum ventúrus est cum glória, iudicáre vivos et mortuos:

cuius regni non erit finis.

Et in Spíritum Sanctum, Dóminum et vivificántem:

qui ex Patre Filióque prócedit.

Qui cum Patre et Filio simul adorátur et conglorificátur;

qui locútus est per Prophétas.

Et unam sanctam catholicam et apostólicam Ecclésiam.

Confíteor unum baptisma in remissiónem peccatórum.

Et exspécto resurrectiónem mortuórum.

Et venturi saéculi.

Amén

The Messiah's Dictum

I meet A. yesterday.
It was short of a revelation.
As any relationship with a fellow animal would be.

The Messiah's dictum

For some reason I'm wondering about Jesus part and what's called the Messiah's Dictum.

A Messiah can't save itself.

Every new covenant must be sealed with the blood of the lamb.

The Messiah is the lamb.

So the Messiah's death would bring Humanity's Life.

How that relates to trascendence??

Budah was not a Messiah itself.

Could be he called a Broken Messiah??


Did he indeed found a way to twarth the outcome to show
mankid a path to get rid of the Messiah's dictum?

Or He failed to comply with it, and scare of his own demise, he choosed to stay alive.

Who enforces the Messiah's Dictum??

Who put that dictum in mankind's collective meme??

The song that's filling my head these days

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be faded to telling only lies
[chorus]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through
[chorus]
Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one know how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
[chorus]
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

The unbearable me

T. called me this morning.
He told me he won't be helping me in the new apartment loan.
I wish I could analyze why that made me sad, it's because I'm having to make a choice?? nop, don't think so. Maybe it's because I'm not going to live in that building, that high and with that view, don't think so. Could it be the feeling that once again I left myself be fooled by T's lies. Yes, probably so.

I'm trying to keep the cool.
Snort a little white stuff and go to wherever land, and forget the pain, and forfeit the sadness, and forget that nothing in life is free, not even love.

Not even love.

It's amazing that out of everything my decisions are made in simple stuff like being able to watch the rain fall.